"Come on mommy!!! You can do this...don't be sad" My friend Kim would say.."you know Shirl, CJ is up in heaven and looking at you right now..and telling you not to give up..come on mommy! You can do this!" "Do it for him!" With that and the love and support of my many friends and family, I somehow found the strength to go on. I went on to speak with other's who had lost loved ones violently. We participated in group therapy sessions. I found myself becoming an advocate for crime victims. The group we had went to Albany to petition for bills and laws for homicide victims.We actually got some passed.

Life saving words those were and still are.. "Come on mommy! .. You can do this!" I keep these inspiring words of wisdom close everyday. :-)

"I can't believe this is happening again"
A few years had passed since CJ's death and I met a man who I thought was my soul mate. In November of 1991, I gave birth to another little boy (Dylan). I had complications during childbirth and as I was about to deliver him I had to have an emergency C-section. As they were putting me under, I remembered saying, "please God... I don't care what happens to me, just don't let anything happen to my baby"! I woke to find I had given birth to a beautiful little boy. In all my wildest dreams, I could not believe I could ever be that happy again.

Sunday, January 5th 1992, 1 week from the anniversary of CJ's death, Dylan was 7 weeks old; I woke to find him not breathing. He was rushed to the hospital where he would later be pronounced dead. Dylan died of SIDS. I don't remember much of that day or for the months to follow except how much my heart ached. I was a zombie, just a shell of a person wandering aimlessly. How in the world could this happen to me again? After a while, I tried somehow to find a reason to go on. I forced myself to believe that I guess it was better to have had him for 7 weeks than to have lost him at birth. It was the only way I could cope. (Continued on page 4)